原来,我爱的是自己.

shit man!alwasy using offline run away from this topic!let me continue.it is not about worth or worthless.what i did and said only from my heart.i treat u good,no only for u,because i feel i'm happy when i treat u good.u worry about me..so do i.when i see smile on your face,i feel very happy and satisfied .yes,u are nobody,but i know u are zemun,the person whom i like.

stiva,dont like that,ok?really thanks and appreciated that u treat me.u in my mind,actually i feel good and pretty is enough,i like you that's y i will find u .sometimes,its just that i hard will fall in love with a attitude like u.hope u understand.may be in future,i will love u,but i dont know what it will be.now,u choose those guys who loves u is better.forget it 1st,can?i like we stil can be closed friend.

hehe,u know,i still have sth forgot to tell u.thanks for remind.i no wish u to be my bf,since i know i cant get love,i'm not qualified to have love,and i know i'm not the girl whom u want.i'm so happy u said u like me.it is enough for me.now,i cant have relationship,and i wish to keep it like normal only~when i feel sad u can accompnay me is enough....like closed friend.

感觉如何....回想一下.
当我收到这封讯息时,是我预料中的平静.只因为自己知道爱的是谁.没错,我爱的不是他,而是我自己.
起初,自己也忘了是什么原因什么时候会一直注意他.天天一定会搜寻他有没有在MSN的on9 list,期待MSN响起的是他的名字.他放工后寻找吃饭对象的是我.我知道他是有想要追求的对象,他也深深想念着另一个女人.我的心情....不会痛.反而希望他能找到他的幸福.这不是我的爱很伟大,而是我知道我是不值得.

慢慢,自己一直在想...我喜欢上的是什么.一部分是他的体贴细心吧.被他吸引的也是那特别的相处方式.我与他之间的相处,从没安静过.两人总是有无法停止的争斗,狗不咬狗骨一天是不行.可是当两人难得静下来的时刻,是如此的和谐...可能我就误以为这就是恋爱吧.

再继续的去回想,发现一直以来都会很容易被这类型的男人吸引.可是到最后都是没什么好结果...突然茂起某人对我讲过的话,"如果你不再去改变自己的恋爱方式,你会继续的这样下去."
这次,我想了又想,原来我以前到现在的爱上,是爱上自己...我爱上对方和我有着相似的性格.和这类的人交往,次次都让我心酸.反过来说,我也让人心酸吧.
我想打破这框框,尝试去爱爱我的人.可是又怕伤害到对方,太了解被伤害的感觉.这样的滋味,不想让爱我的人也得到.我不是值得被爱的女人,我情愿他们放弃我去找能爱他们的女人.
所以我最后选择了另一条路.





.我放弃了.我不要再去爱,也不要得到爱.这样的感觉让我一次又一次的痛苦.最好的办法就是把自己锁起来,我把心给封闭起来.爱情,这遥不可及的东西,我选择不要.或许某年某月某日,我会再次的和它相遇,但是我会尽量的不让它来靠近我.自己也知道,在心里深处,是真的很渴望有人能把我抓着.但是......有人吗?

或许这是个两全其美的方法吧...